my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
