woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize