My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize