my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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