i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
