Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
