and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
