hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He felt like a one man threesome
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
