you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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