i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
