i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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