I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
