New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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