You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
