from now on my penis is your penis
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
