did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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