shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
