Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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