Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
