That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
