im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
