In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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