I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
