Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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