My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
