I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
