Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
