Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just want nice things and good sex
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
