If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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