I want to stick my p in your. b.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
