Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
