soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
birth control should be required to get into college
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
