if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
