You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
