Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize