So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
