also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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