Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
