as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
