Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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