College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
