I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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