i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
