He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
try to milk me bitch
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