thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
