hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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