I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
