Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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