the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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