I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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