That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize