Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
