i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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