Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
