YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
