i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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