I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
