And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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