i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
