Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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