There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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