If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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