i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
