Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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