I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
