Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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