Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
