My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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