Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
