Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
