There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
