maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
