come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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