Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
