i don't plan on having that self control this summer
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
