I take back everything I said about communal showers
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
