Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
