my mouth tastes like poor choices
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Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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