operation harelip BJ is a go
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
