I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
