ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
