OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
