Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
