I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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