dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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