My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
