I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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