my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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