What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
