she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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