Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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