my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dick very happy bro
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
