Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
