I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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