I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
