Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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