Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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