i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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