I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
